Listening Week 4

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.”

— Karl A. Menniger, psychiatrist

As we begin the final week of listening, are you noticing how you practice this art, or what area of listening you need to work on? Most of us fall into a trap of not having enough time, so we do something else while we are supposed to be paying attention to another person. At that point, we have not given our full attention nor are we listening for understanding.

There are some of you out there like my great-nephew, who are already good listeners. Good listening, means giving open-minded, genuinely interested attention to others, allowing yourself the time and space to fully absorb what they say.

Good listening encourages others to feel heard and to speak more openly and honestly.

The next step in listening is to become a deep listener, one who is receptive, caring and seeks to understand the intention of the other person. At this level of listening judgement is not in play, even if the listener does not agree with the speaker. The listening becomes generous, supportive and trusting.

One exercise that I facilitate to learn higher levels of listening is for two people to engage in a conversation, but only one person can speak. The second person must show they are listening but never actually say anything. The speaker talks on a subject for 3 minutes and then they switch, and the second person becomes the speaker, the first the active, but silent listener.

The bottom line is to listen more, talk less.